Love Is Respect

First of all, Happy Valentines Day. As I mentioned in my last post, February is Teen Dating Violence month. I mentioned a lot of statistics about teen dating violence and what to look for. Well I thought today, seeing that it is Valentines Day, I would mention some of the things that teens should be looking for in the other person when they are dating. Some of the positive things that will help build a relationship and things that will make a relationship last. Here is a short list from the Prevention Action Alliance:

• Treats you with respect
• Doesn't make fun of things you like or want to do
• Never puts you down
• Doesn't get angry if you spend time with your friends or family
• Listens to your ideas and can compromise with you
• Isn't excessively negative
• Shares some of your interests and supports you in pursuing what you love
• Shares their thoughts and feelings
• Is comfortable around your friends and family
• Is proud of your accomplishments and successes
• Respects your boundaries and doesn't abuse technology to violate your boundaries
• Doesn't require you to "check in" or need to know where you are all the time
• Is caring and honest
• Doesn't pressure you to do things that you don't want to do
• Doesn't constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful
• Encourages you to do well in school
• Doesn't threaten you or make you feel scared
• Understands the importance of healthy relationships

Finally, remember that healthy relationships are based on respect, communication, trust, honesty and equality. Thanks for reading and have a great Valentines Day.

Teen Dating Violence

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Teen DV Month (sometimes called TDVAM) is a national effort to raise awareness about abuse in teen and 20-something relationships and promote programs that prevent it. I realize we are getting close to Valentines day and people think about romance and love but it is also a good time to talk about the other side of that coin.

Most people have their first relationship while in high school or college. It's new, exciting, thrilling and sometimes sexual. Unfortunately, this can also be some of the most dangerous times in a woman's life. Women ages 16 - 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence. In fact, nearly 1.5 million high school students experience physical abuse from a dating partner each year and more than half of the women who are raped are under the age of 18. Dating violence is the use of power and control over one individual by someone who is supposed to care about him or her. Dating violence is not only just physical, but can also be emotional and psychological abuse and include behaviors such as stalking, isolation of friends and family and being possessive.  Since this is often their first love or serious relationship, many young people may not know the red flags or identify problematic behaviors.

According to the Project Aware Ohio website, 1 in 3 teens has been a victim of dating violence and about 1 in 3 has committed relationship violence. 9.6% of high school students in a dating relationship have been physically hurt on purpose (being hit, slammed into something, or injured with an object or weapon) by a boyfriend or girlfriend. 10.6% of high school students in a dating relationship have been forced to do sexual things by a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think it is important that you realize that teen dating violence is not just hitting but also includes controlling another person. If your dating partner will not let you hang out with your friends, if they call or text you constantly to find out where you are, if they tell you what to wear, or if they want you to be with them at all times, then these are signs of controlling behavior. Do not settle for this.

The sad part about teen dating violence is that only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse. It is time to end the silence on dating violence. Please speak up if you see one of your friends in a violent relationship. Please come see me if you are in that type of relationship, or if you aren't sure but have concerns. There is help and I want to help you. You do not need to take this abuse. Help a friend before it is to late and remember once is too many times. You deserve better than this.